After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
