White coat. Heels.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
