He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
