Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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