I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm too high and old for this...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
