Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
