I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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