after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
