put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
