I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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