Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Randomize
