Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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