Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
