this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
