it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
