Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
