Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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