UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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