OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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