So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
