i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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