she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
