my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
