my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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