i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
