There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
