just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.