Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
