Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
tell me about the eggs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
