It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
even my farts smell like vagina
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
