ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
