her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Come on in and take your pants off
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