i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
