I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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