idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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