Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
