Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Say something about gay babies.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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