he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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