"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
