She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
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This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
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I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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