i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Randomize
