please come you make the beer taste better
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
