Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
should my penis look like a turkey
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
