last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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