dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
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I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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