Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
