I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Randomize
