At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
