hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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