Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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