operation harelip BJ is a go
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
