those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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