she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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