I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i came on her dog
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
