I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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