drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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