They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
