He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
