thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
