I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
