Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
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I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
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I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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