she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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