What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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